, but it hurts SO GOOD!

So Very Near (2004)

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sovery600Beston ’s music changes directions considerably on his fifth release of original songs, “So Very Near”. Simple acoustic productions played almost entirely alone complete songs full of melody and nostalgia. The feeling here is influenced by the folk tradition and by more modern writers like Nick Drake and Elliot Smith, but even at its most moody, the voice is still Beston’s and the lyrics contain some grain of sweetness.

1. these last promises
2. dirty code
3. a room in hell
4. list of fading dreams
5. smile song
6. my Dominican boy
7. so far gone
8. you were
9. meet me there
10. sleep song
11. singing to myself
12. digging a hole
13. god and gravity
14. philomel’s lullaby
15. was
16. so very near

Lyrics and Credits

all music performed by Beston Barnett
except kit drums played by Calvin Lakin
all songs written by Beston Barnett, except where noted

these last promises

It will be alright
I just can’t stay
It’s almost midnight
Call it a day
Write it on my door
It all must seem unrehearsed
Lying on your floor
With these last promises
We had a good time
No one can betray
How long is goodbye
Meet me halfway

dirty code

Watchin the cars come and go
We all know who’s goin home
Watchin the cars come around
I thought that I was comin down
Watchin the cars from my bed
I felt the fall inside my head
From every car passin by
Another pair of starin eyes
It was just a conspiracy
I have never been so deliriously
Free, of you, of me
Free of anything at all
It’s all just cars in a cartoon
And all the light that hits the moon
Comes from the sun, or so they say
Do you believe it?
Clever mind, where’d you go
When I needed you the most?
Down the alley, down the road
Left me writing dirty code
Rain and stars, eyes and hearts
These, our calculated arts
From every car passin by
Another pair of starin eyes

a room in hell

it can be so damn easy
I guess I fell for your smile
now it comes back to tease me
I guess I’m still in denial
you were always a lie
but you’re not gonna make me cry
so many ways you told me
so many ways to know
turn on the TV baby
this is my favorite show
it can be so damn easy
just like a carousel
the horses go round in a circle
just like a room in hell

list of fading dreams

we were so unin-
hibited last night
like two swans we danced
in the dying light
hold me down, break me
in this lonely tower
way up here I’m com-
pletely in your power
it’s alright now
it’s alright
your precious body burns
through this long and wicked night
what’s the most inti-
mate thing I could say?
as the stars trail white
feathers on the bay
that I’m lost, that I’ll
never find my way home
not until you’ve torn
me loose from my bones
it’s alright now the
morning’s stumblin in
cast your shadow my
list of fading dreams
like two swans we danced
in the dying light
we were so unin-
hibited last night

smile song

I thought that love was a playground
but now the girls have all gone home
you’d think my heart would turn to stone
but when I think of them
you know I have to smile
I’ve been around for awhile
thirty years is not so shabby
but every one that’s gone is sad
there’s not much left of what I had
there is a tongue I have lost
a language I have forgotten
with every word left unsaid
I should be angry but instead

my Dominican boy

(for Andi con puro amor)
to dance with me, if you want to be,
then machetes on the table, this bar-room is not a stable
the bachata is playing low
out across the plaza
you showed me where no one would stare
to a hidden strip of land and a blanket in the sand
but they found us anyway
naked in the water
and it’s bye, bye, bye, bye, bye
to my Dominican boy
and in my dreams, sometimes it seems
I can hear meringue drums and the sweetness of the rum
it is on my tongue again
as I whisper goodbye

so far gone

the rows of headlights
and I miss you tonight
but this road’s how we pay down our sins
the traffic is bad
everyone’s mad
I’m as tired as I’ve ever been
it’s a long way home
when you’re so far gone
it’s a long way home
I woke with you lying
your head next to mine
in a dream that could never have been
but I think of you there
and the smell of your hair
and my soul wants to fly from my skin

you were

it’s hard to hold on
to what you were
it’s hard to hold on
to what you were
you were not afraid to die
not afraid to buy the lie they sold us
and everybody loved you
everybody needed it to be true
and you, you knew everything
that I wanted to know, yes I wanted to know
and you wanted to tell
you were like my only friend
more than just a means to an end I wanted
and sometimes when you moved
sometimes like an angel flew through you
and I, I saw everything
that you wanted to show, you wanted to show
and I wanted to tell

meet me there

you know me
you know I can’t
can’t let it lie
don’t you see
nothing’s changed
nothing’s different
I can feel how it’s
going to be
we’ve been here
so many times
you say your lines
I say mine
nothing’s changed
it’s all the same
like a reused
meet me there
by the water
just some coffee
nothing more
we’ll pretend
it’s all over
while our ghosts kiss
on the shore
let it be
just this one time
that we come off
you’ll be cool
and I’ll be careful
we’ll walk these circles

sleep song

you go to bed before me
sometimes my gigs run late
I walk into the bedroom
my eyes dilate
until I hear you move
or your breathing there in bed
you could be gone, you could be dead
until I hear you move
I stand there in the dark
and try not to make a sound
you know I don’t like to wake you
but when I think of your kisses sweet as honeyed song
when I feel our lives like teardrops in a storm
I am torn

singing to myself

all these days, passing through
singing to myself
so many ways a person touches you
but you can’t touch back
no you can’t touch back
I saw a girl up on a hill
went to look for myself
saw what I saw, and I always will
now I can’t look back
no I can’t look back
I’ve got some money, let’s have some fun
forget me honey, what’s done is done
built this road, stone by stone
no one but myself
and I’ll carry this load, bone by bone
cause I can’t turn back
no I can’t turn back

digging a hole

written by Rafael Loiederman

god and gravity

(for Django)
I wanna tell you everything
I wanna make your light bulb sing
with electricity
I’m the electric company
let’s go out and dance tonight
let’s go out and pick a fight
with god and gravity
they give points for audacity
don’t forget I love you best
just because I get obsessed
with rhyme and melody
it’s all a silly game to me

philomel’s lullaby

music by Beston Barnett
words from A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare
Spotted snakes with double tongue
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen
Newts and blind-worms do no wrong
Come not near our fairy queen
Philomel, with melody
Sing in our sweet lullaby
Lula lu, lula lu, lullaby
No harm, no spell, no charm
Come our lovely lady nigh
So good-night, good-night, lullaby
Weaving spiders, come not here
Hence, you long-legged spinners, hence
Beetles black, approach not near
Worm nor snail do no offence


written by Daniel Tashian

so very near

I wish that I could hear the songs
just before I thought of them
then I would know if they were any good
but as it stands I cannot tell
they’re tainted and my friends won’t say
it’s true I might not listen if they would
from midnight until three a.m.
every night I scratch away
these little melodies I cannot hear
but I don’t care, no I don’t care
what’s the point of anything at all
and if it’s happiness, then I’m so very near
la la la…